"The Original No-Frills, Family-Style Restaurant"

-Powered Entirely by Meat-

"Meat" Your Meat

At Meato’s we are all about “meatings.” Call us to reserve a private dining room for your next corporate function or family reunion. We even do wakes!

Vegetarians, Stay Away

Please don’t come here expecting bread or salad. Plus, we don’t have the money to pay medical claims for trauma victims.

In those cases of surprise first dates, we do provide a courtesy shuttle to a nearby tofu establishment. 

Always Remember!

In case you didn’t already notice,  for us”meat” has no other spelling, no matter the context. 

With this in mind, customers always get 10% off if they use Meato’s™ puns on any of our staff at any time.

Our House Specialties

You Won’t Believe It Till You Tried It! 

“Wine is the intellectual part of a meal while MEAT is the material.”

-Alexandre Dumas (1802-1870)

The Traditional Meat Shake

A Tall Glass of Chilled, Well-Done and Not-Too-Bad Ground Chuck (or if you prefer, Ground “Lucy,” because we’re not gender-biased)

The Meat Salad

This salad doesn’t need spinach to feel substantial. That’s the job of our famous sausage croutons!

The Hot Chocolate Meato™

Always on the menu to enjoy–before, after, and during the meal.

God Bless Meato's!

During the holiday season, kids eat free when they sing the official Meato’s™ Holiday Anthem, “Come All Ye Merry, Meaty Gentlemen” at the Meato’s™ hearth.

(Offer valid for one child per family.)

Our Meat At a Glance

TESTIMONIALS

-Don’t just take our word for it!-

"I thought it was my husband I was craving late one night, but then I realized it was Meato's. He and I are still on good speaking terms, though."
Sally, 37
former homemaker
"Finally, fucking finally, a goddamn place that serves the only thing I'll eat. It's about fucking time really."
Jasper, 28
weekend gamer and weekday tile salesman
"My two-year-old had her first Hot Chocolate Meato the other day. I never thought I'd stop emptying her diapers. But, wow, we sure had a fun time there as a family!"
Bob, 32
architect and father of eight
"All I'll eat anymore is those addictive little Meato's Balls. I've gotten my granddaughter hooked on 'em too."
Elmer, 82
retired Air Force
"I started Meato's because of my late night sweats that we might be losing our connection to meat. Meat consumption is a time-honored tradition. Meat is what keeps us going. Meat is what keeps the lights on. We eat meat because we are human, not because of our political persuasion. Now, belly up to the table and get yourself some before it gets cold."
Hillborn Metzler
Founder, Meato's

MEAT:

Because what else is there?

Meato's Official Currency

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